Monday, March 09, 2009

Running With the Runs

Disclaimer: While most everyone enjoys a good poop story, it may not be your bag... while it's not as good as John's infamous story... if you're not a poop story kind of person, you may want to skip this post.

I've finally come to terms with the fact that I'm a summer exerciser. I just can't manage a good, consistent, challenging workout regime during the school year. I couldn't do it well before we had Maximo, and now it's nearly impossible. But, I ran my butt off this summer and I enjoy running races. My friend Britney started running this summer and we run a 10K together on Sundays, so we signed up to run the Nike Women's 5K.

The race was yesterday, in a beach town about an hour south of Lima, called Asia. So, I went to bed on Friday night with a bit of a "roly-poly" stomach, then I shot out of bed at about 11:00 pm with EXPLOSIVE diarrhea which continued for about 4 hours. I convinced myself at about 2:30 that I was going to call Britney at 5:30 to cancel, though I felt terrible because this was her first 5 K race and we were planning on going together because it was an hour drive south of Lima, and I wasn't sure she'd go without me. I slept on and off until 6... Oh, no 6! Britney was already in the car coming to get me. I told John that I wasn't going and he said, "What?" So, I got my act together and went.

I wasn't really worried about running a 5K . I was, however, worried about losing my bowels while running. I was really stressed out about it and the hour long ride in the car down there. To make a long story short. I finished the race, without soiling myself. I'm not sure of my time, I didn't do fantastically, but I ran the whole time and there was a pretty decent hill to run up.

Okay, Part II: the experience.
There are times while living overseas, when I think, people at home would not believe this. Saturday was one of those days (actually I even thought John won't believe this). Britney and I arrive about an hour before the race starts and quickly realize that we were (with Susan) the token gringas. We had our picture taken numerous time doing various things - getting sunscreened by the Neutrogena guy and "stretching".

Thinking this was an all-women race, celebrating International Women's Day, I thought they'd be celebrating the strength of women and empowerment. Well, I realized that wasn't the case when three girls took the stage in dance clothes for "Sensual Stretching". Oh, that's when we really stood out - it was stretching with Latino dance and aerobics moves. It was exhausting and I wish I could put into words what it looked like to see a sea of 1,000 women sensually stretching... unfortunately I can't do it justice, so use your imagination.
"I am woman, I am special"
On our giftbags, with a diagram of the female reproductive system,
just in case you're a little rusty with your female anatomy.


The run, was a normal 5 K, with gatorade stands and kilometer markers, though under an unforgiving, crushing Peruvian sun. BUT, at every mile marker, were Chippendale-type barely dressed men in various outfits - construction workers heckling us as we passed, firemen hosing us off when we ran by... The race ended at a beach club right on the beach where we traded our time-chips for (real!) silver medallions and then entered the club which housed a multitude of tables with (free!) juices, coffees, a breakfast spread, photos, running magazines and vitamin samples and then people pushing products - performance products, jewelry, you know everything a girl wants.
My real silver medallion

Not too strange, right? Okay, then there was the guy running around with a pesticide sprayer label Anti-Cellulitis and running around spraying women. Then there were the guys, the same ones along the race, up on stage, shaking their thing with two girls pole dancing (what?). Then everyone started dancing, like you'd see at a salsa club at 11:30 pm. I (maybe) would have joined in if I could've had a beer, it wasn't 10:00 am and I wasn't still pertrified that I might sh*t myself. Details...
Our commemorative photo with a photoshopped background that I still can't figure out. What's with the hand and spoon coming out of the hole and the cake? Any thoughts?

3 comments:

Kirsten said...

Hilarious!

Celia said...

Too funny!

Glad your feet were the only thing running!

Andrea said...

I love this story -- felt like I was right along side with you. Boy do I miss Peru!!! = )